Today

Today

Today I saw a rainbow, in the midst of what I don’t know. It reminded me of the one thing I do know. I am ok.

Today I saw a flock of blackbirds flying through the gray sky. They reminded me of everything I want, freedom and humility, everything that I am now, ready and present.

Today I put a jade necklace around my neck. It reminded me of what I finally am, sure and grounded, manifested by the calm in my heart.

The rainbow was mercy, the birds, audacity, the jade necklace, peace, all good omens to the future. They spoke to me. Let me know I am ok. Let me know I am just where I need to be.

Today I thought, "Sometimes it seems there is no reward for your effort. That the struggle is endless, the well of darkness deep, the broken heart remains broken, buried beneath the years, longing and your unrealized self. You’d rather disappear than deal with this recognition. You’d rather run, run straight to another illusion that will only leave you with the same debt, the same reckless fog, the same empty dream. You don’t want to be reminded of what was lost, what never was, and what still is not”

The rainbow reminds me to trust, to simply trust, that what was lost, remains lost, only to lead me to where I am now, living for an uncommon dream.

Today, I am reminded that I don’t believe in happy endings. I never did. I don’t think its that easy. The dissatisfaction is divine, like the jade around my neck, a reminder to keep going, one foot after the next, the warrior’s life is the only path of true exhilaration. Anything else would be death at this point. Jade never dies. It is resilient. It is strong and indestructible, the gold of my soul. It is the light that I see as the rainbow reminds me of what I seek, as the blackbirds take me home, the jade is who I am.

Today, I have simplicity, a home in my heart.

To take wherever I go.