Today

Today

Today I saw a rainbow, in the midst of what I don’t know. It reminded me of the one thing I do know. I am ok.

Today I saw a flock of blackbirds flying through the gray sky. They reminded me of everything I want, freedom and humility, everything that I am now, ready and present.

Today I put a jade necklace around my neck. It reminded me of what I finally am, sure and grounded, manifested by the calm in my heart.

The rainbow was mercy, the birds, audacity, the jade necklace, peace, all good omens to the future. They spoke to me. Let me know I am ok. Let me know I am just where I need to be.

Today I thought, "Sometimes it seems there is no reward for your effort. That the struggle is endless, the well of darkness deep, the broken heart remains broken, buried beneath the years, longing and your unrealized self. You’d rather disappear than deal with this recognition. You’d rather run, run straight to another illusion that will only leave you with the same debt, the same reckless fog, the same empty dream. You don’t want to be reminded of what was lost, what never was, and what still is not”

The rainbow reminds me to trust, to simply trust, that what was lost, remains lost, only to lead me to where I am now, living for an uncommon dream.

Today, I am reminded that I don’t believe in happy endings. I never did. I don’t think its that easy. The dissatisfaction is divine, like the jade around my neck, a reminder to keep going, one foot after the next, the warrior’s life is the only path of true exhilaration. Anything else would be death at this point. Jade never dies. It is resilient. It is strong and indestructible, the gold of my soul. It is the light that I see as the rainbow reminds me of what I seek, as the blackbirds take me home, the jade is who I am.

Today, I have simplicity, a home in my heart.

To take wherever I go.

Love is the Greatest

1 Corinthians 13

Love Is the Greatest

¹ If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. ³ If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;^[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

⁸ Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages^[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ⁹ Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! ¹⁰ But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. ¹² Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.^[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

¹³ Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Love is the Funeral Pyre

Love is
The funeral pyre
Where I have laid my living body.

All the false notions of myself
That once caused fear, pain,

Have turned to ash
As I neared God.

What has risen
From the tangled web of thought and sinew

Now shines with jubilation
Through the eyes of angels

And screams from the guts of
Infinite existence
Itself.

Love is the funeral pyre
Where the heart must lay
Its body.

--Hafiz

Thriving on beauty

Some people thrive on beauty. It's as if beauty alone is enough. Everything they touch becomes beautiful. They need it like they need air. Without it their soul grows weary and sad.

There are people who need to be inspired, who need to be awake, who need to feel the joys of the heart like a constant flow of water through the bloodstream.

Without beauty they die. They wither, they fall depleted.

It's as if it doesn't matter what the thing is they do, what unfolds during their life, what they create with their hands, as long as it's beautiful, as long as it resonates with the heart.

I need beauty. I thrive on beauty. Without it I am nothing.

Beauty is universal. It is a collective language. Everyone understands it. Matters of the heart can not be spoken in words. It's a feeling. Beauty is a feeling. To understand it, is to live like an angel.

To be without it is to die.

Create or die. Create beauty, and live fully.

Questions and Creations.

To live audaciously is to ask yourself questions and to create your universe, understanding that it's all an experiment, a process, an evolution. The point of awakening is the recognition of your power to ask, to question, to create, to move. It's all a dance, a mysterious, open and never-ending dance. You don't have to worry, you have all the time.

How do you feel about these questions? How do you feel about these creations?

Curious, excited, engaged... that is the essence of love.

Everyone has the power to question. Everyone has the power to create. There is no answer. There is nothing you are waiting for. There is a playful sense of being in the present moment. Anything else is only an illusion. It is useful to know the difference.

There is no right or wrong

There is no right or wrong. Rules don't matter. Being a "good" person makes no sense, if it's based on rules because that is only thinking about being "good", and there are no feelings involved.

Feelings are real, thinking is not. Feelings come from experiments, which we perform through trial and error. Theory, idea, experience, process, results. Repeat. There's a millions different ways, and a million different things, it never ends. And they are all valid, because they were real for you.

What is important is that you did it, you tried, you kept going.

What is important is how you feel.

There are only choices, that is life, it is what it is, it grows how it grows.

You are free to choose as you please.

How do you want to feel?

Self-satisfied. Strong. Self-reliant. Personal power from your own gut.

When you go to sleep at night watch for the pieces of you that are unresolved.

Pleasing others will only ensue guilt which is a useless emotion. What we all want, what we all long for, is for those unresolved pieces of us, to be fully realized.

It's a war, to work through the dragons of our mind, for the real bright gold.

That's the "work", that's what we all want and seek. "Doing the work" is an act of will, it's an act of courage, it's a challenge, each and every time.

You have to sneak up on it, bring out your big guns, and fight like hell.

Get the beast. Take pride in your gold. Love it for what's it worth and then sleep like baby.

The results are, through hard consistent work over time, self-realization.

Self-realization, that's what matters. Not pleasing others, not making rules, not being "good".

Self-realization. Taking down the beast in your own head, and doing your work. Every. Single. Day.

Awakening

I'm awakening and it's not going to stop. I am fortunate to be here at this time. I have opportunities everywhere, and beauty surrounds me.

And how about honesty?

That difficult thing that's hard for us all. Remember, honesty is the real challenge. It takes the most strength, the most courage, each and every time.

It's not a matter of knowing right from wrong, my God, this cripples us. There is no set rule. There is not guideline. There are no words for matters of the heart. It's not about how much you know, or have. It's not about how good you are. It's not about how much you've sold, or how much you've taken or at what cost.

Don't put me in a casket. Don't cry when I leave. Remember the legacy.

I'm considering how I'll be remembered 600 years from now. If you think about life like this it changes everything. All the small dramas. All the bullshit. Yes I said bullshit, and I'll say it again.

Don't cry over a stain on your shirt. There's much more to life.

Don't hide behind walls, no one can see you if you don't embrace your fear. Fear of the light.

I'm thinking of passion. I seem to always be thinking of passion. What really matters is how hard we've worked.

Our schools must change and evolve. We must write a new law.

600 years from now. Who will I be? What will I do now that will matter then? What small dream can I make come true, right here and right now?

I don't know.

What about curiosity? What about excitement? What about love?

Is it possible to love? Who knows what this means. I can't say I know and with that statement I am broken down to nothing. I am diminished completely. I am empty.

I must empty my cup.

To fill it.

I must be that humble.

I don't know what it means.

I am curious to know. I will begin anew with every little choice, every little breath, every little moment.

And then life goes on.

Sometimes I wonder. If the answers are really simple. Maybe I just need to drink more water. Maybe I just need to sleep more, or breath more consciously.

Maybe that's really all I ever need. Maybe that's all anyone ever needs.

We are all the same, one blood, one people, one life. We are all one.

Maybe I'll be born again as a rabbit and that'll be ok.

Nothing really matters. It doesn't matter what you do.

All that matters is how you choose: love or fear.

I think the more you can simplify, the more clear this truth becomes. The more you refine your decisions and direct your feelings. The more in power you become. The more safe.

And as far as I'm concerned that's all anyone is looking for, that's anyone wants. And that will never change. No complexity of man will make that change.

It's a choice. Every moment. Every day. Every time.