Get over it.
It's better to be knocked down with the truth, stripped bare, broken to pieces with no choice but to stand up strong in the light of your own power than spend the rest of your life dancing around bullshit.
Stop lying to yourself. You are safe to face the truth. You are safe to blossom. You are safe to awaken.
Awakening is gentle and radiant. You will know it when you feel it, when you see it, when you become it. You will know it when you emerge.
Then you say, my God, I can't believe I was that way. I can't believe I was so caught up in my drama. I can't believe I danced around these illusions like they were viable. I can't believed I screwed up that bad.
Relax, it's ok. You were asleep, now you're waking up. That's all there is to it. Different degrees of awareness, simple as that.
No need to abuse the self. This is never useful. No need to punish yourself for what you didn't know. You've already suffered enough. You might as well allow yourself to relax into a greater knowing, a greater feeling, a greater sense of living. After all, this is what love is, and it's always available to you, at any given moment, at any given time, no matter what. Love wants to see you awaken so bad, to see a perfect realization of itself, to see a light it's never seen before. That's the whole point of all of this. That's the whole point.
Coming out of denial is fun. Love gets to see itself again, another way, another light, emerging whole and fresh.
It's ok. You are safe. All you have to do is wake up, shake off that past, get through and become something true.
Beauty is all around. Beauty is the experience of life in its fullness, in the awareness of the heart. This runs through all things, in the most powerful way. Like a river. When you are in your flow, everything will be amazing.
Find your flow. That'll take coming out of denial. It'll take recognizing things you've been running from. It'll take staring at yourself face on and realizing that you are all you really ever have to deal with. The only war is with your own demons. The greatest joy is victory over them and being who you really are, which is more powerful than anything you've probably ever considered.
Don't worry that it took you so long to get here. Be grateful that you are here now. Celebrate where you are in this journey. Embrace this joy, allow yourself to feel it. Let the river run through you and carry you on to where you are going, in the light of your destiny, your awakening.